I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize