Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
