Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
