i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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