I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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