I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
