Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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