Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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