I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
