operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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