the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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