Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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