he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
