i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Randomize
