How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
