I faked an abortion last night.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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