Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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