Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
She announced her abortion via fbk
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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