Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
