Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize