He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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