Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Green mimosas i think yes
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
