does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
