i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
