You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
