The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
