There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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