Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Randomize
