I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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