Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
