i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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