my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Come share oat with me in your robe
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
