I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
