i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
