I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
