Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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