As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
