At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
