i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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