He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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