so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize