honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
