There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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