we have pet lesbian snakes
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
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