So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
