Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
