Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
