I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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