One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
