Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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