I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize