She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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