i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize