I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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