My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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