and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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