She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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