Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
