I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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