We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
