I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
