could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
