No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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