Midget sex pt 2 tonight
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
