we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Randomize
