I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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