...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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