it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
they're like a gay fantastic four
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
