Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
