Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
