bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
