just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
They took my balls.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
