just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Floor bacon is actually really good
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
