Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize