How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Randomize
