i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
