You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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