Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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