if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize