Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
