My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
