I'm pants shitting drunk right now
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
