your thong is hanging out like whoa
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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