i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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