Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
