Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
