I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
