My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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