Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
