Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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