I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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