at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
